he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize