you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
