the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
