I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
