is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
