Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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