i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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