Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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