My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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