we have pet lesbian snakes
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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