if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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