I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
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Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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