Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
