I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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