this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
