I got chris browned last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
