We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
