Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
