you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
