she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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