If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
