All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
worst night to have a conscience
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
