I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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