I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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