A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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