i think my tv is drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
