i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
