Christians are straight up FREAKS
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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