sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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