So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
