It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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