I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
