How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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