she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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