I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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