My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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