So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
