At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
