connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
