I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
These tits shall not be calmed
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