it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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