Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
