Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
