They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
