I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
