you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
