Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
