It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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