I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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