Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
