She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
