I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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