i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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