I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
