new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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