new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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