i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
