My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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