idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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