Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
