I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
