Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
