I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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