I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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