"it" just moved
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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