Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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