Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
