I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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