...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
